Introduction

Adult relationships are hard enough. If one or both partners have ADHD, the challenges become magnified. Research shows that adults with ADHD are significantly more likely to be divorced, and to be less satisfied with their personal relationships. In this article, we will explore the unique obstacles that ADHD can pose in adult romantic relationships and how they may be overcome.

Hyperactivity and Impulsivity

Adults with the hyperactive and impulsive symptoms of ADHD often talk excessively, have difficulty waiting their turn in conversations, and interrupt or intrude on others. As a result, their partners may interpret their behavior as inconsiderate, tactless, and rude, even when they don’t mean to be.

Inattention

Those with inattentive symptoms of ADHD have difficulty maintaining focus, even during conversations. They often fail to follow through on instructions or complete tasks. They have difficulty with organization, tend to lose things and are often forgetful. Their partners frequently complain of feeling unheard, unseen and unimportant. Their partners may have trouble trusting them to fulfil their obligations and often feel the need to take on a parental role, reminding them of appointments and keeping them on-track.

Intense Emotions

ADHD is associated with an increased risk of anxiety, depression and substance use. As many as 80% of adults with ADHD have at least one other psychiatric disorder. Furthermore, those with ADHD often experience emotional dysregulation, including intense anger and rejection sensitivity. These unstable emotions often take a toll on relationships.

Solutions

It is easy to see how ADHD symptoms can strain adult romantic relationships. A partner without ADHD may feel frustrated, while a partner with ADHD may struggle with poor self-image and a lack of self-confidence. The partner with ADHD may compensate by becoming an extreme people-pleaser or simply give up trying.

The most important step in addressing these issues is to seek help from trained mental health professionals, including psychiatrists, ADHD coaches and couples’ therapists. A psychiatrist can help diagnose ADHD and provide education on its symptoms. A psychiatrist can also provide effective treatment tools such as medication, therapy and lifestyle interventions. An ADHD coach can help individuals learn to implement effective strategies for living with ADHD. A therapist who is experienced in working with ADHD couples can understand how ADHD exacerbates relationship problems, and help couples effectively navigate these issues.

Conclusion

Adult romantic relationships are never easy. If one or both partners are affected by ADHD, relationship problems are often intensified. The hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattention and intense emotions associated with ADHD can put a strain on both partners. Thankfully, with the help of trained mental health professionals, ADHD couples can break out of unhealthy dynamics and experience positive change.